34 Reasons Victoria’s Secret Shouldn’t Clip Miranda Kerr’s “Angel” Wings
It’s out with the angel wings, in with the vegan chicken ones for Miranda Kerr: Us Weekly reports that the dimply Australian supermodel’s Victoria’s Secret contract won’t be renewed. Her $1 million deal with the brand is ending because she’s “not a big seller,” and “has a difficult reputation,” Us reports. In other words, she’s not been sharing her home-baked kale and pine nut cupcakes with her fellow models.
Here’s what this means for poor Miranda — and the world:
1. No more implausible fur mittens.
2. And no more implausible suspenders.
3. No more ostrich feather trains.
4. No more ostrich feather wings.
6. No more butterfly wings.
8. No more poems.
9. No more starry capes.
11. No more posing like Rose deWitt Bukater on the Titanic’s bow.
(Missed photo opportunity: getting Leo in the mix. He’s always at the VS Fashion Show.)
12. No more waving coyly while your silk dressing gown falls down.
13. No more of this lingerie.
14. No more of that lingerie.
15. No more posing with this lingerie.
16. No more posing with that lingerie.
17. Or that lingerie either.
19. No more crystal-encrusted Statue of Liberty crowns.
21. No more sexy lingerie togas.
22. No more sexy lingerie clam shells.
24. And no more sexy lingerie baubles.
25. No more novelty megaphones.
26. No more walking on water.
27. No more jaunty sashes.
28. No more cheap beach balls.
29. No more off-key Christmas jingle sing-alongs.
30. No more of this.
31. And no more of that.
Ok, in this instance it’s for the best. What a mess.
32. No more nearly getting a pinkie toe stuck in a swimming pool cleaning drain.
Even without that $$$ contract, Victoria’s Secret’s chief marketing officer Ed Razek says Kerr “will always be an Angel to me.” He also told Us he’s “already invited her to walk in the 2013 [Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show].” She’ll likely pop up in catalogs, photoshoots and promotions too, just on a flighty freelance basis.
Phew, so see you soon (in undies) after all Miranda.